Monday, October 13, 2008

Three-toed lizard hooch, balconies & thirst

Image of your Scribe walking along a vast sand dune
Dear Gentle Reader.

Difficulties strike us all from time to time. 

That could be a segue into last night in the bar, but it won't be. 

Instead it is the admission that, as of now, nothing is written yet.  

I think I need to develop a buffer. 

Anyway, we all have our difficulties.

One reader, on examining the picture of your hero, Pommes, and your heroine, Regina, (see update on why we are in Hong Kong) announced that she had difficulties discerning the difference betwixt the two. 

But, as that person comes from the land of Alte Gammel Dansk, this is quite understandable.  

After a bottle of Alte Gammel Dansk, your scribe also has an impaired discernment function.  

Personally, I think Alte Gammel Dansk is why Danes always come out on top in global contentment indices; like their herrings the Danes are too pickled to be perturbed.

But your scribe had no Alte Gammel Dansk last night.  

How could your scribe's forgetfulness to write a post occur? Well, your Heroine is still in China, after the disappointing haircut and unicorn meat incident, and your scribe might have taken the opportunity to go out last night... 

Maybe your scribe's difficulties today are due to much delayed after-effects of three-toed lizard hooch?

What, you ask, is three-toed lizard hooch?  

Well, it is a particularly engaging brew that Tony (not his real name) and I discovered at the end of our undergraduate careers 13 or 14 years ago.  

Maybe I should enlighten you, as it is a Hong Kong specialty...

One school of thought would describe three-toed lizard hooch as a potent alcoholic beverage with a three-toed lizard preserved in the bottle (...mmm, protein snack to go with your drink). 

This school of thought might be made up of boring empiricists. 

A second school of thought might describe it as a foul concoction only drinkable if prescribed to stop you from seeing some horrific vision (as three-toed lizard hooch will surely claim your faculty of sight).  

This school might consist of realists, or maybe stoics. 

The prey of three-toed lizards, reasonably enough, think that three-toed lizard hooch is the greatest beverage commercially available.  

Representatives of the three-toed lizards' major prey species were recently seen in a Hong Kong marketing office trying to work out how to increase sales, consumption, and production of three-toed lizard hooch.  

Their school of thought would consist of opportunists or survivalists, possibly both.

Tony and I, however, might describe three-toed lizard hooch as something that makes swinging your buddy by the ankles over a fourteenth floor balcony not only seem like a good idea, but also seem like a lot of fun to the guy being swung. 

Tony and I belonged to the school of good times. Tony narrowly avoided the school of hard knocks. 

Tony thought it was fun, at the time, at least.  

My chance or opportunity for a turn was rudely interrupted by the girls from a flat across the hall who thought

(a) this was dangerous, and 

(b) that it would be a brilliant idea to try to tear me away from the balcony, whilst Tony was singing "Wheeeee" as he whooshed back and forth, head pointing down, on the nonstandard balcony side.  

Hmm.  University memories.  Or maybe those are three-toed lizard hooch flashbacks...

Anyway, I have not found three-toed lizard hooch yet in Hong Kong (where it was brewed some 13 or 14 years ago), but then, why would I look when there are still chocolate-covered mango margaritas available?

After an introduction like that, dear Reader, you are probably wondering where we are going in the update today.

I can't say that I blame you; I wonder also.

I am thinking that bed is the only option for me.  

Just thinking about three-toed lizard hooch gives your scribe the shakes.

You might as well go to that meeting you were avoiding.  

If things get really bad for you, wherever you are, come visit and we will look for some three toed lizard hooch together.

It is guaranteed to blot out the pain, especially if we practice the balcony trick. 

You first. 

I may concentrate on writing about food from now on, too, and leave alcohol to the specialists who still have livers.  We will see.

All the best (and soft landings)...

Chris, Regina, and Pommes mit senf


The attached image at the top shows how dry you will feel after downing a bottle of three-toed lizard hooch with your humble scribe.  

Your scribe was in Dunhuang, near the end of the Silk Road in China, a couple of years ago.  

He was so thirsty, he was flashing back to the full body thirst brought on by attempting to metabolize three-toed lizard hooch.

1 comment:

:: VEGA :: said...

hi sepiru chris,

thank you for the kind comment you left in my blog.

i will start reading your blog --- looks very interesting --- with lots of intriguing and fascinating stories.

i wish that someday i would be able to travel around the world like you guys!